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Category: Love

To the person that I thought I knew. A work in progress.

one – Are you my soulmate?

I laugh. My heart jumps, it is made out of cotton candy. Pink and plush, running through high grass on a humid summer’s day.

two – Are you my soulmate?

I sigh. My ears not believing what they are hearing, for the first time in so long, opening up like old, rusty blinds, finally letting in the light. Finally letting in the air that I so desperately need to breath. But you only take my breath away. Your words weaseling your way under my skin, between my fingers, running your hand through my hair, tickling the back of my neck, caressing my earlobes, whispering: Are you my soulmate?

My insides are pulling themselves together, longing for words they never dreamed of, coming up for air after spending ages under water. Gasping.
But you only take my breath away.

three – I am lying in bed, you just cancelled our date. The familiar war behind my face washes over me, pulls me in deep. I cannot see the picture frame on the other side of my wall, my smiling face seems so unfamiliar. Where is she?

four – You look at me, with honest eyes, you see me. You. See. Me. Are you my soulmate? Piercing me, through and through, four simple words, they have no meaning to me, but hearing them from you means everything.

five – When is the last time you spoke with him? I have news for you.

six – No, this is the wrong life, this is the wrong line, my dreams have already taken over, I know the truth. This is not happening to me. All this time you were lying. Someone else. No, this is not you, no, this is not me. No, this is not her. This is just a bad movie, I am in, there is someone playing games with me.

seven – I feel so stupid. You made me into a cliché, you made me half. There is no explanation.

I will not believe this story. Would I have thought that you were the one that would betray me? You did. This is having your rug pulled out from under you and I am falling, falling, falling without ever waking up. There is no waking up.

Breath in, breath out. Let the disappointment wash away all the pain of feeling whole. Of trusting someone and having it all shattered in a matter of seconds. All that is left is emptiness.

eight – this is washing away the beautiful painting I made with my ideas and dreams and songs and seeing the gray truth behind it. Who are you?

And the question that will never be answered.

Why?

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To my beautiful sister

Change is the only constant. And it creeps up on us, whether we notice it or not. Tomorrow, a big change is going to happen. My sister is moving away. I am beyond happy for her but I am also selfish. I don’t want her to go because I don’t want to miss my big sister. We are rarely ever physically close, yet it somehow feels different whether hundreds of kilometers separate us or a huge ocean and time difference. It has been quiet on our little Uke Blog, there is no real excuse, just life that happened and things that got busy. But with change and new challenges comes new energy, from which MoodyUkes is going to benefit. I want to start this new chapter with a couple of words directed to my beautiful sister.

To me, you can do no wrong. To me, you are the strongest, most fearless person I have met. You jump on challenging opportunities and you handle them so brilliantly. You never give yourself enough credit for that.

I want to hurt everyone who has ever dared to hurt you because you are my sister and no one gets to do that! I don’t want you to face any pain ever alone again, I want you to know I am here to listen. I know our genes and twisted brains tell us to keep it together and deal with it on our own, but you have taught me over the last month that it is okay to be hurting and it is okay to talk about it to someone. It is more than okay, it actually helps to not deal with things alone. I hope you think of me sometimes when you are facing a problem because I know you will be the first person I ask for advice. Be prepared for many calls from your little sister (probably at an unreasonable hour) to discuss my little worries. I will try to tone it down, I promise.

I know you will have an amazing time, you will meet great people and you will be okay, no matter how you feel right now. I want the people you are about to meet to know what an incredible human being they are about to get to know. And I want them to fully appreciate you because otherwise, I want my big sister back!

You will be missed here, but I know you need to be elsewhere now. I love you so much

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How to move on from a broken heart

Having your heart broken or breaking your own heart is terribly devastating and trust me, there are moments in life where I don’t understand why love has to be so wonderfully beautiful and so utterly complicated at the same time. It’s not easy. But right now, I don’t want to write about the sweet, chaotic mess a heart can be in, I want to be bold and practical and stay focused on how to move on after a heart break. Here is goes:

  1. Distract yourself

This is so very easy to say but hear me out: I don’t mean filling your day with meaningless tasks, running from one activity to the other, never stopping so that you don’t have time to think. What I do mean is giving your life a new purpose, a distraction which drives you to a better place. Think about it as progress, dissolve yourself into a passion of yours.

  1. Slow down

This plays together with the point above. Slow down, do some reflection on your part and start to think about yourself. Meditate a little if that helps you. Find some other form of relaxation which helps you work through the pain rather than pushing it away. I know that sometimes I don’t want to stand still because I am scared of what awaits me in the silence. But there is no running away. Face it now.

  1. Be physically active

Sport is, no lie, the best medicine. Now, if you’ve never been physically active, don’t overdo it. If running is not for you, that is totally fine. Just find something that makes you happy. Go look for gym classes. Go swimming, do power yoga, take a step dance class, the possibilities are endless. And trust me, your mind thinks differently when you do sports. The feeling of exhaustion after a great work out, is one of the most calming and addictive feelings out there.

  1. Stop idolizing your ex-lover

Stop thinking of them as the good guy, the hero, prince charming, whatever. They are most certainly not. If they were, they would be sitting next to you at this very moment massaging your feet or whatever. But they are not. And I know this is the most terrible realization, but you need to think rationally. What advice would you give a friend or sibling in this situation? You would tell them to move on, wouldn’t you? You would want their best, so be kind and love yourself more.

  1. Take the high road

Don’t think of revenge, don’t sabotage your surroundings, and don’t do something you will later regret. I know it’s one of the hardest things to do, but take the high road. Months or years down the road, you will be so glad you did. The best revenge is to live well. Focus on yourself, take the time to improve yourself.

  1. Act out of love

You will probably run into them again, you will have uncomfortable conversations with your friends in which their name is mentioned and an oblivious friend will go on about how wonderful the new girlfriend is and how great your ex-lover and her fit together. Yeah, that really sucks, but act out of love. Love is stronger than anger. Love will make you happy, anger will drag you down into that dark, dark place. So smile and pretend for a while. Fake it till you make it, is what I’ve heard. And trust me, there will be a time where you are genuinely happy that you are free and they are gone. Because one of the biggest criteria for a relationship should be that the other person wants to be in it with you. And if that is not the case, you are better off without them.

  1. See it as a catharsis in your life

I know it hurts. But this pain will make you stronger, break down all the parts in you, so that you will come out a better, stronger self.

Plato once said that love resides in the person who loves, not in the person who is loved. You are able to love and to feel and to trust and to be hurt. Be proud of that, it’s more than some people will ever experience.

 

Much love, Maria

 

 

 

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