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Category: Death

Feeling alive

What moments do you think of when I say a moment that makes you look above your personal horizons? When you suddenly see your emotions and issues from a different perspective? When everything you have been worrying about seems so tiny or irrelevant because you’re looking at a bigger picture?

To me, this happens when I see a really good movie. Preferably at the movies because that way you physically step out of your own life and into the space of the movie. When a movie makes you feel Something that isn’t part of your everyday emotions. I can’t think of a better example but it happened to me when I watched The Fault in Our Stars. Feeling sad and happy and confused all at the same time. Cancer – luckily to me right now – is not a part of everyday life. But in that moment when you encounter something that is out of your rut, you realize that him not texting you back or the exam next week is not going to matter in the long run – to me, that is what feeling alive feels like.

It also happens to me when I hear certain news – this week hearing about the death of Christina Grimmie or the night club shooting in Orlando. Something that shakes up your life and makes you think. And then you need to force your head back into your own routine, while also subconsciously still reevaluating yourself and your choices.

Feeling alive, how morbid that other people’s death caused this feeling in me this week. I’m only now realizing how dark that really is. Also The Fault in Our Stars is concerning the topic of death. Maybe the concept or realness of death is making me feel alive, forcing me to see that life is more than my personal environment and worries.

This is not the direction I wanted this to go in. I wanted to point out that I like this feeling of being alive, present and active, I like looking above my horizon. But I feel like I can’t say that right now.

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