Having your heart broken or breaking your own heart is terribly devastating and trust me, there are moments in life where I don’t understand why love has to be so wonderfully beautiful and so utterly complicated at the same time. It’s not easy. But right now, I don’t want to write about the sweet, chaotic mess a heart can be in, I want to be bold and practical and stay focused on how to move on after a heart break. Here is goes:
- Distract yourself
This is so very easy to say but hear me out: I don’t mean filling your day with meaningless tasks, running from one activity to the other, never stopping so that you don’t have time to think. What I do mean is giving your life a new purpose, a distraction which drives you to a better place. Think about it as progress, dissolve yourself into a passion of yours.
- Slow down
This plays together with the point above. Slow down, do some reflection on your part and start to think about yourself. Meditate a little if that helps you. Find some other form of relaxation which helps you work through the pain rather than pushing it away. I know that sometimes I don’t want to stand still because I am scared of what awaits me in the silence. But there is no running away. Face it now.
- Be physically active
Sport is, no lie, the best medicine. Now, if you’ve never been physically active, don’t overdo it. If running is not for you, that is totally fine. Just find something that makes you happy. Go look for gym classes. Go swimming, do power yoga, take a step dance class, the possibilities are endless. And trust me, your mind thinks differently when you do sports. The feeling of exhaustion after a great work out, is one of the most calming and addictive feelings out there.
- Stop idolizing your ex-lover
Stop thinking of them as the good guy, the hero, prince charming, whatever. They are most certainly not. If they were, they would be sitting next to you at this very moment massaging your feet or whatever. But they are not. And I know this is the most terrible realization, but you need to think rationally. What advice would you give a friend or sibling in this situation? You would tell them to move on, wouldn’t you? You would want their best, so be kind and love yourself more.
- Take the high road
Don’t think of revenge, don’t sabotage your surroundings, and don’t do something you will later regret. I know it’s one of the hardest things to do, but take the high road. Months or years down the road, you will be so glad you did. The best revenge is to live well. Focus on yourself, take the time to improve yourself.
- Act out of love
You will probably run into them again, you will have uncomfortable conversations with your friends in which their name is mentioned and an oblivious friend will go on about how wonderful the new girlfriend is and how great your ex-lover and her fit together. Yeah, that really sucks, but act out of love. Love is stronger than anger. Love will make you happy, anger will drag you down into that dark, dark place. So smile and pretend for a while. Fake it till you make it, is what I’ve heard. And trust me, there will be a time where you are genuinely happy that you are free and they are gone. Because one of the biggest criteria for a relationship should be that the other person wants to be in it with you. And if that is not the case, you are better off without them.
- See it as a catharsis in your life
I know it hurts. But this pain will make you stronger, break down all the parts in you, so that you will come out a better, stronger self.
Plato once said that love resides in the person who loves, not in the person who is loved. You are able to love and to feel and to trust and to be hurt. Be proud of that, it’s more than some people will ever experience.
Much love, Maria