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Love & Relationships

Historically love is not necessarily connected to relationships, nor is it the other way around. For that matter the concept of romantic love is relatively new, sparking in the mid-1800s. Yet today love is probably the number one discussed topic between girlfriends, uncountable movies have been written about it and the tears shed over love could probably fill multiple oceans. But would we even share the same definition of love and romance without all the Hollywood movies, love songs and Valentine’s Day presents?

I personally I don’t appreciate Hollywood romance movies and the idea they leave in young girls’ head – including mine when I was 15. The guy does not have to make the initial move and in my darkest moments I don’t have to be saved – I can do my own saving, even if it might take some trial and error, I will manage. The fact that it is 2016 and most of my girlfriends still expect to be chatted up drives me crazy. We tie our own shoe laces and everything, go get yourself that date you’ve been thinking about for the past 2 weeks but have been too scared. “He could take the first step if he really wanted to”. Guess what, he could be thinking the exact same thing. Use your voice, it might not always work out the way you planned it to but occasionally it will, and that will feel good. I guess what I am trying to say is to not be a character in your story but to be the story.

As emancipated women – we do everything ourselves. We work the same jobs as men, we raise kids on our own and fix our bikes on our own. One of my New Year’s resolution this year was to be my own hero – ask for less help when it comes to difficult, mostly technical tasks that I would usually ask my dad to do. For that matter, I am planning to show the world that I can kick some ass in my future career – so why shouldn’t I start being badass in my day to day life? I want to be the though one – I don’t want to be rescued, especially when it comes to love. Prince Charming is a pretty concept, but what are his qualities that you can build a relationship on? The fact that he is good-looking and just bumped into me at the right moment doesn’t seem to be enough for me. Love sparks attraction, but a relationship needs to be built on more than ‘just’ love, not every time you fall head of heals for someone you are going to end up in a happy relationship with them. Love needs to be established in everyday life, not only on first dates and adventures. To me anyway, a long term relationship is built on intimacy.

“They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.” – F Scott Fitzgerald

After meeting that someone special, the way they see and think of you is important. Girls need to be perfect, loveable – lovely. Lovely is one of those words that only perfect girl-next-door use, while they braid their hair the way they always do and smell like their signature rose sent. Maybe I am just bitter but is that the type of perfect that is attractive? Who actually is like that? I am moody and realistic, far less easy to romanticize but nevertheless lovable. Am I still lovely even though I probably spent more time thinking about death than about my nails?

I guess you are able to tell that I have a serious problem with movie stereotypes. Today, love and relationships go and in hand with each other. It seems strange to think you used to marry someone you didn’t love or even really know. Or that love didn’t use to be red roses and anniversary dates. I guess I want to draw attention to the fact that the concept of love has been on a long path and only relatively recently took a turn to roses and butterflies. If things like love can fundamentally change in a matter of 200 years, it is important to see that societies’ standards of relationships need to be interpreted by everyone in their own way. No 90 minute Hollywood movie can show you how your life is meant to be.

Much love, Elena

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